tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post8505003831325800531..comments2023-09-15T03:03:17.605-07:00Comments on Bigger By The Belly: "Remember, you're not a martyr"Babe_chillahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12641049845173425007noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-12738714086973684702010-02-06T02:21:20.272-08:002010-02-06T02:21:20.272-08:00I think it's so weird how people feel like the...I think it's so weird how people feel like they're qualified to tell you how you should give birth but, like some of the other comments have said, it seems to get even worse once the baby's here. I'm due in March, too, and most people around me know I have my mind set on the type of birth I want, so I'm already getting advice on why I shouldn't co-sleep, how hard breastfeeding will be and why I shouldn't even try it, and why cloth diapers are icky. My family thinks I'm turning into a hippy! ;)<br /><br />I do wonder where people get the whole "martyr" thing from though. I absolutely hate the feeling of pain medicine or sedation, and have already had one surgery in the last year, so for me a natural birth is avoiding those things because I dislike them, and opting for a few hours of possible pain versus several weeks healing from a surgery if I had a c-section. <br /><br />I think part of the criticism comes from the fact that so many women are competitive or even catty, and feel like everyone must make the same choice as them for their decision to be valid. Some feel like natural birth advocates look down on them for making a different choice, which is sad - I think we should educate people, but ultimately support them whatever choice they make. <br /><br />btw, if you want even more birth stories, I've really enjoyed the book "Journey Into Motherhood" by Sheri Menelli. You can Google it to read the reviews on Amazon or buy a hard copy, but she's also giving away a .pdf copy for free at http://www.birthingbusiness.com/Book/giveaway.htmlRaine @ Mama Rantshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07655718100011974144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-52160863995252393652010-02-05T16:48:34.709-08:002010-02-05T16:48:34.709-08:00Oh man so much to reply to. I thought I did this t...Oh man so much to reply to. I thought I did this the other day, but clearly I didn't. I must have missed the post part. Arg!<br /><br />Feminist Breeder - thanks for all that. No, not too much at all! The hubs wasn't totally stoked on child birth prep either...he figured the same thing, it would be all hippy love in's and how if you don't breast feed you're the devil (not that we aren't, we just hear that a lot.) Luckily, the one we took was, in my opinion, very good. She touched on all the possibilities, from med free to scheduled C, and the possible consequences of each. I feel a lot more prepared, and a LOT more empowered to make it through this naturally. I didn't feel that she pushed the natural route, but she did make it clear the benefits of doing so. <br /><br />Like I mentioned, I've seen the video and have 2 of those books. I REALLY appreciate the recommendations for the others :) <br /><br />Mommyologist - no, you don't. A lotus birth is where you leave the placenta attached to baby until it comes away naturally....as in 3-10 DAYS!<br /><br />Cheesefairy - thanks for the book recommendation, and advice. I think you're right. Plus some of my FAV people are from teh internet :D<br /><br />Laura - you got it. Pain vs. suffering. Not the same thing at all. I think it will hurt, yes, but do I think I will suffer? No. <br /><br />Amber - I will keep that in mind. I have wanted to hit a few people :D<br /><br />Beth - thanks! Post baby, I'll be moving to the mommy blog so stay tuned!!!<br /><br />Janine - oh I can only imagine wow! Also, I hope she's a March baby, as opposed to April cause, well, I'd like her to come around on time :S<br /><br />The Wifey - OUCH!Babe_chillahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12641049845173425007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-3849996316123635522010-02-04T18:58:21.558-08:002010-02-04T18:58:21.558-08:00Agreed!
With everything but the stretching part. ...Agreed!<br /><br />With everything but the stretching part. Sometimes your vag doesn't get the memo and you find yourself being sewn up because your baby's head was 13 centimeters and you only went to 9. =/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-43537904059543719202010-02-03T22:18:10.673-08:002010-02-03T22:18:10.673-08:00My dear, the judging from other people doesn't...My dear, the judging from other people doesn't stop when your darling daughter is born. There will always be someone who thinks you should have her in a hat/sweater/less clothes/different diapers/blah blah. Eventually you will learn to tune them out, no one knows what is best for you and your family more than you. :)<br /><br />Love the blog, looking forward to the home stretch! Yay March baby!!Janine Limhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03870353175095665786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-47596802476498776452010-02-03T13:00:04.700-08:002010-02-03T13:00:04.700-08:00No matter what decision you make in any facet of y...No matter what decision you make in any facet of your life, I have learned that someone somewhere will strongly and vocally disagree with it. Consider these women your pre-labour practice, and when they start up with the comments pretend they're contractions you have to work through.<br /><br />Also, I really liked what you said, that you can do anything for a minute. That's really all labour is, a minute of pain, a minute off, a minute of pushing, a minute off. If you are the kind of person who can focus on the "only a minute" aspect you will be fine.<br /><br />I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and I have to say, I'm starting to get really excited for your birth story! Oh yeah, and the baby too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-13409426346128412282010-02-03T10:45:43.469-08:002010-02-03T10:45:43.469-08:00It is your birth experience and you are entitled t...It is your birth experience and you are entitled to do it any way you darn well want to. I applaud you for your dedication to a medication-free birth - and I think everyone else should too. <br /><br />If I ever do it again, that's what I'm going to try to do too.<br /><br />If you ever do haul off and hit someone, just blame it on the hormones. You can get away with anything at this stage...Amber Page Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03288534853490787988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-23860176520452872432010-02-03T07:39:47.871-08:002010-02-03T07:39:47.871-08:00I think one thing that helped me with my natural c...I think one thing that helped me with my natural childbirth was keeping in mind the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is OK, pain can be a positive thing, it is normal to experience pain during childbirth. So, yes, I was in pain, but I wasn't suffering. Suffering would have been focusing on the pain and allowing myself to be consumed by it. You can liken it to running a marathon. Will running that marathon be painful at some point? Why yes, of course. Are most people suffering while they run? Probably not, as they are making the choice to run that distance and they are working towards a positive goal and outcome. And no one gets an epidural before a marathon, right? So, I guess what I'm saying is that if you experience pain during childbirth, you can decide if you want it to POSITIVE pain or if you want it to become suffering. [Stepping off soapbox now] Good luck! :)Navigating the Mothershiphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174295191363694422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-43200257382302846352010-02-03T07:18:30.092-08:002010-02-03T07:18:30.092-08:00I read a book shortly before each of my son's ...I read a book shortly before each of my son's births, called Baby Catcher, by Peggy Vincent. She is a midwife and the book is a memoir of sorts... it is a really positive, empowering collection of birth stories. I recommend it to everyone who is getting close to labour because reading about X number of women who DID IT makes you know you can do it too. However you do it.<br /><br />In my experience with my 2, people see the belly and they want to talk about their own experiences. They had expectations before their births and their expectations were thrown out and they were hurt by the experience. So they say "I want to save you being hurt" and maybe they mean it, sort of, but really, it's because they have to process their own disappointment with their own experiences. <br /><br />I'm sorry to say that this will keep happening after the kid is born. I remember walking my firstborn around in a stroller to get him to sleep and two strange ladies told me I shouldn't because he would just get used to it.<br /><br />Now he's 3.5 and I still walk him around - oh wait, no I don't, he sleeps in a bed. Suck it, strange ladies.<br /><br />Parenting can be very lonely, in that things don't always go the way you think they will and you assume you're the only one any of this unexpected stuff is happening to. 1. You're not the only one. 2. Whatever you're doing is the right thing for you. 3. No one else - except your partner - gets an opinion.<br /><br />(and, of course, semi-anonymous people on the Internet) ;)clarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12944084489177974511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-63393684204333110302010-02-03T05:10:31.826-08:002010-02-03T05:10:31.826-08:00Stick to your guns girl! You have to do what is r...Stick to your guns girl! You have to do what is right for YOU. Forget about those other people. I do think that the martyr comment is a little extreme. I think maybe it should be reworded into something like,<br /><br />"If you do change your mind in the delivery room and decide that you need some sort of pain intervention, don't beat yourself up about it. You're only human."<br /><br />I think something like that sounds less offensive.<br /><br />And what the heck is a lotus birth? Do I even want to know?The Mommyologisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15957108098571392880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114796771891780245.post-87758428426947602422010-02-02T22:32:28.552-08:002010-02-02T22:32:28.552-08:00Okay, so, a few things (coming from a mother who h...Okay, so, a few things (coming from a mother who has not only been through two births, but helps many other women through birth advocacy) - anyone who tries to tell you there's no reason for a natural childbirth is flat out WRONG. There are a ton of seriously important reasons to avoid every obstetric invention ever invented (unless there was an actual good reason, and these are RARE.)<br /><br />A basic childbirth prep class is just the beginning. In those classes, tou're lumped in with a bunch of people who probably haven't picked up a single evidence-based book (and no, freaking Jenny McCarthy books do NOT count) so they have NO idea what they're talking about. Oh, how I know those people - I used to be one of them! That's how I ended up with my nice, traumatic cesarean. I thought childbirth prep was for hippies, but as it turns out, childbirth prep is for really SMART people who want a HEALTHY birth, as opposed to the system the money-grubbing medical community loves to push women through. If you don't know your options, you don't have any!<br /><br />But I digress - suffice to say that way, way smarter people that me (MANY people with PhDs and medical degrees, etc) have written at length on this topic - and a really good provider would be directing you to this, and NOT questioning your desire for a natural birth.<br /><br />So, to unravel some of the reasons that people like me have such strong feelings about this, I'm going to recommend the following books, and one movie:<br /><br />The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth<br />Birthing From Within<br />Your Best Birth<br />Ina May's Guide to Childbirth<br />The Business of Being Born (movie.)<br /><br />(and btw, the crazy people like me who beg you to research natural birth and all the very valid reasons for it are people who are really looking out for you - it's a like huge warm hug and non-secular prayer that your increased knowledge will provide you with a truly beautiful and healthy birth experience... I know I sound like a freaking hippie, but I'm as Type-A as they come.)<br /><br />Natural Childbirth is not about martyrdom - it's about healthy choices and empowering experiences. Nothing more.<br /><br />Too much? ;)TheFeministBreederhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10870473200937110378noreply@blogger.com