I'm not taking this pregnancy thing too seriously....

Ok before anyone reads the title, freaks out and tell me how I should cherish the life I am carrying and that pregnancy is very serious business, I just want to let you know I know that. And I am taking the serious parts very seriously. I have been taking prenatals since long before I got pregnant. I have been drinking my water, getting my exercise and trying to get enough sleep. I've put down the bong, stopped socially smoking and stopped proving that I am in fact, the skinny bitch who can out tequila shot any dude. I've upped my vegetable intake (which was hard, since I eat A LOT of veggies), I've begrudgingly given up negitoro rolls and salmon sashimi, steered clear of ham sandwiches and torn through piles of cheese, looking for the pasteurized brie. I have taken 1 tylenol, because I fell down the stairs and almost broke my ankle, and though I've been sick 3 times, I've only used my netipot to quell the symptoms. I've done all the things I can to make sure baby girl grows happy, healthy and strong and is not underdeveloped or ill when she is born.

At the same time, I'm having fun, enjoying life and reveling in my last few months as a wife, but not a mother. Well, I am a mother but for now, this baby is a breeze to care for. She does exactly what I want her to do at all times, never cries (well at least, I can't hear her) and allows me to sleep for extended periods of time with no disruption.

And I'd be lying if I told you all, that I've been a model pregnant lady, avoiding everything on that 17 page list of pregnancy don'ts. Sometimes a girl wants to cross her legs, or sit on her back or eat a hot dog. Sometimes she wants to stay up until 3am and eat a half a pizza before bed, or sit down to a tub of cream and refined sugar in the form of vanilla caramel latte hagen daz. And sometimes, just sometimes, she needs to clean the mothereffing bathroom, and the only products around have bleach in them.

I'd also be lying if I said I've had absolutely no alcohol since this baby was conceived. First of all, let's face the fact that I was off birth control for 14 months (and strangely on them for 14 years before) before we made this human. I was getting convinced making her was going to take more than a little bit of bumping uglies. So I went to my friends wedding the week before I peed on that 30th stick and had a few drinks. It was THE hottest day ever and I MC'd and we had my mom DD'ing us so....I partook in the frosty cold, free flowing MGDs. And I don't feel guilty. I know enough about this baby growing business to know that she suffered no harm from that evening. I also had no concept we might be pregnant. I may have been off the pill for 14 months, but as part of my Babe_Chilla style, I was being chill about the whole TTC thing. And that meant, we didn't save sex only during a window of 7 days per month, where I relentlessly stalked the Hubs around, thermometer in hand, yelling at him to impregnate me. No, that was the last thing I wanted. We just went off all forms of birth control, and let nature take it's course. And though 14 months SEEMED long at the time, it was actually perfect. It allowed us to buy and move into a house that could accommodate another person in this family, and really prepare ourselves to be parents (I mean, as prepared as one can be).

So there was that. And I didn't sweat it. I didn't do the thing many women do, which is panic, and Google like a fiend to ensure I hadn't caused FAS. Partly because I wrote a paper on FAS in school and I KNOW what causes it, and partly because I'd Googled that for friends already and knew the answer. And partly because I knew, there was nothing I could do about it anyway.

Let's also realize I got pregnant smack dab in the centre of summer. The first summer, in our new house, in which we have a FABULOUS deck. Many a cold, sweaty, limey corona were drank by my friends on that deck. Not to mention my favourite apricot beers and other fruit flavoured summer sensations. I made mojitos and sangria for guesst, and watched as they sipped them in relaxation. I lived through the Bud Lite lime phase (and side note: blech), when everyone was focused on finding some. I fake drank through a series of parties, when we hadn't told anyone yet. I did all that, and it would be a lie to say I wasn't dying to participate. And it's SO not about being drunk. It was just about being social. But I had my sparkling water, with a slice of lime, and 99.99% of the time, it did not phase me. But you know what? I've had a few sips. I've taken that newly cracked beer from the hubs, and taken a small swig. I've tasted a really great bottle of wine, and had a sip of champagne on new years. And quite frankly, I don't see the problem with that either.

And I'm not only lackadaisical about sipping (and I hope none of you are calling the local authorities on me, I haven't had more than a sip or two here or there). I've also had a few cups of REAL coffee. And this was a big one for me, because I like me some coffee. I'm not someone who will cease to exist without her morning Joe, but I do like it. And I've been having some pretty regular decafs. But I've also had the odd cup of real coffee, with caffeine and all. Because sometimes I wake up at my mommy's house on Christmas day, and she makes coffee and I want some.

And can we just talk about the birthing classes? Because honestly, what's with all the seriousness? I pride myself on being sarcastic, and sometimes even witty. I like to make light of every situation, and joke at inappropriate times (like when I made the joke to the ultrasound tech who told me to 'shake the baby into position', and I replied "Ha I guess this is the only time in my life it will be considered ok to shake my baby hey?". Apparently, that was not funny. Could of fooled me). So when it comes to sitting in a room for an ENTIRE weekend, talking about the journey my daughter will take to exit my body, via a hole which, by my calculations is never going to be as big as she is even now, one needs to make a few jokes. As we sat, watching videos made circa 1985, of scary mullet women with big bushy beavers screaming as they pushed a pruney little purple thing out (another side note: they sure don't look like cute little pudgy humans on the way out!!), holding our fake babies, one can't help but crack a few one liners. And half the class was right there with me, while the other half? Not so much.

As we split into our day 2 groups, to do some infant care stuff, with our fake babies, my group proceeded to laugh hysterically throughout the entire practice. We dropped our fake babies, mixed them up with each others and made them cry. We took the "wrap them like a burrito" comment literally, and rolled the baby up until she couldn't be seen. We joked about wearing ear plugs when they cry too much, and saving money on diapers by only changing them one time per day. We joked and my sides hurt I was laughing so hard. My sides hurt, my eyes were watering and I was getting dirty looks from the other side of the room. Apparently people, this is serious business and should not be taken lightly.

And I agree wholeheartedly but COME ON. If we can't have fun with our fake babies, as we all sit petrified of never having a working vag again, and scared we'll be that person who puts the baby down and drives away, then what's the point in living?

All in all, I've been enjoying my pregnancy, but I've been approaching it in the same way I approach life - not too seriously. And I am actually proud that part of this journey has been me really trying to let go of the stressypants parts of myself, and go with the flow more. I think this will only help me as a new mother. Because being wound up, up tight and overly stressed seems like the worst thing you can do to keep your child chillaxed. I want to have one of those babies who is seemingly un-phased by the world around them. Who just coo and smile and cry so seldom it's a complete non-issue. Many of my friends have these babies, and I want to so much. And the thing all the parents of these wonder babies have in common? The ability to just let it go. Sure, no two couples are exactly the same, but they all have a quality about them that exudes confidence and makes you feel relaxed about parenting. And I can't help but assume this is the reason their kids are not stressed out.

I just hope I can remember all that, after no sleep, when she's crying and I don't know what to do.