Birth Stories: Starting with Baby Rabies

In an attempt to get my vajay to unclamp itself and allow my darling daughter to exit without a spaghetti head (as an aside, the hubs has often said, since long before we were even married let alone pregnant, that we were going to have spaghetti children...I'll let that gem sit with you while you continue to read...or while you quickly run to the "unfollow" button and close this browser), I have decided to collect, read and record birth stories. 

The fact of the matter is, most of the labour stuff I know is coming from you people anyways. From women (and 1 man so far) who I know only since starting to blog, whose lives I've learned about 140 characters at a time, and in some cases, whose real names I don't actually know. This is not to say I don't have friends with children, I do. But for some reason, sitting down and trying to talk to them about their experiences rarely gets us anywhere. 

There are a lot of reasons for this. Often, they don't want to talk so intimately about the time they pooped on their husbands. We get easily distracted. I feel awkward asking them to detail the exit of their children from their bodies. And their kids are here, and are a lot of fun, so I'd rather play with those babes than discuss their arrivals. Also, of the people I know who have had babies, some have had medical interventions based on necessity, some have had early arrivals and some have spent the majority of their labour in a car, praying to make it to the hospital. And my goal here is to surround myself with as many natural, positive birth stories as possible, so I can, as mentioned above, convince my vajay it should unclamp. And finally, most if not all my mama friends don't remember their labour in the amount of detail I feel like I need. They never wrote it down, and it's been 4 years, or 1 year or 10 months or even 6 months, and they just can't recall. 

So I put the word out to the Twitter world, and got a little help from my friends. Before I knew it, I had offers for birth stories coming from people I'd never spoken to. I had offers for natural birth stories, planned and emergency c-sections, hypnobirths and water births and almost every kind of birth I can imagine (I also learned about something called a Lotus Birth from Mandy at Harpers Happenings, and well, ick). . So I decided, I'm going to read and post them all (or as many as I can before I go into labour, because birth stories will end with the arrival of my daughter). I feel like everyones story can contribute equally well to my experience. And at the end of the day, I have no idea what kind of experience I am going to have just yet, so I might as well be open minded and get prepared.

I start my "birth story recap to get my vajay ready" reporting business with Jill from Baby Rabies. I start here for 2 reasons. 1 being that she is single handedly responsible for about 75% of the stories I received. She has a HUGE following (and for good reason, she's downright hysterical) and she put it out on her twitter and in they came (when Jill tells you to do something, you do it). The second reason is that anyone who has the guts to put the word "Baby" and the word "Rabies" in the same sentence, let alone build their internet persona around it, is a person I want to be best friends with. 

Jill's story is perfect. She thinks it's long winded, but as you can tell from my ever loquacious nature, you can never use too many words for me. In her usual style, she combines the right amount of hilarious anecdotes ("These are definitely NOT Braxton Hicks. I’m now noticing my mucus plug. Yay! My vagina finally sneezed!"), and hopefulness ("The car is packed by 6:30. I’m imagining we will be in it by the time lunch rolls around"). Her incremental reporting, her brutal honesty and her unintentional words of advice ( “How can I do this again?” but I stop that train as soon as possible and promise myself to only think about each contraction as they come. That frame of mind helps immensely.") give me a lot of hope for my ability to do this. 

One of the things I love about Jill and her story, is that it really resonates with me. Because I know that even if I DO manage to get through this without any drugs, and come out the other end alive and with working lady parts, I won't do it quietly. I'm not going to be one of those women who avoids using the word "fuk", who doesn't tell her husband he's a bastard for doing this to her, and who doesn't shoot bodily fluids at her midwife. No, like Jill I will do all those things. I will worry that the women in the other rooms are getting scared because I'm screaming my bloody head off. Like Jill, I'm going to yell "NO" emphatically when they ask me if I want to see the head emerge with a mirror. 

If you've come this far, then good for you. I should probably apologize to Jill for posting her story first, and prefacing it with a novel of my own opinions. But that's the point. To take these stories to heart, and get out of them what I will. To gain an ounce of strength and power, when the pain I feel is getting to be too much and I'm screaming for an epidural. To take something from every story, to remember as I experience that "ring of fire" everyone talks so much about. 

So before I talk anymore, here is the link to Jill's story. Go there, read it. Then spend the next several days pouring through the rest of her posts, and learn to love her like I do, and like so many other mommy bloggers out there do. It's one of the few things you can read on the internet, which isn't a waste of your time. 

Baby Rabies Birth Story

**Because I can't ever just shut up, I have to add, in Twitter-chatting about this post with Miss Baby Rabies herself (and OMyFamily) I got even MORE gems of wisdom out of Jill, and there are seriously things I will take with me into that delivery room and beyond. So here, I share some more:

babyrabies @Babe_Chilla When I ran my marathon I saw an awesome sign that said "Pain is temporary, pride lasts forever." Use that for inspiration :)

OMyFamily @babyrabies @babe_chilla My favorite motivational phrase was "You can do ANYTHING for 5 minutes." It's SO true. One contraction at a time.

babyrabies @OMyFamily @babe_chilla Yes! That's the way you have to think of it - small increments of hell followed by relief :)

OMyFamily Amen. RT @babyrabies: @Babe_Chilla I have to admit, I owe a lot to wanting to prove people wrong.

Belly Shot Preview

I've just seen a few on Facebook from my photographer. I loooooooove this one:

Almost 32 weeks and a little freak out....

Well this is the end of week 31. Tomorrow I'll wake up, 32 weeks pregnant, 2 lbs. heavier and that much closer to meeting our daughter. That seems scary to me. To say things like "8 weeks to go" or "56 days", or to realize that my baby shower is coming up soon all makes this very real. Not that it hasn't been real, but I'm rapidly running out of time and all I can think is "have I done enough?"...to which the answer is always an emphatic NO!

I have not saved enough money, and this is stressing me out. The hubs and I are equal in our income, and we have a nice little system set out where we pay the bills together, and enjoy liberty with our spending money. I don't complain about the 4th video game he's bought this month, and he does not complain about my 68th pair of shoes. I shop for food out of convenience sometimes, which only means it's more expensive, and I am ALL too familiar with the old take out regime.But I'm about to go to 45% of my income for an ENTIRE year, and add another life to care for. EEECK! The power is going to shift, and I'm not sure I like it.

Now, it's not like the hubs is going to hoard his money and laugh manically at me as I shuffle around in my holey shoes. Obviously we're going to be working it out, but my issue is that I'm not going to be contributing my equal share, and that makes me feel, awkward. I am sure we'll find a balance, and I know it won't be held against me in any fashion. I've just worked for 15 years, and always taken care of myself. I'm an independent, self sufficient lady who has trouble asking for help for even the simplest things - what's it going to be like to have someone else caring for me? I've never relied on anyone else for much, and while I've had help from the parentals along my life path, I've otherwise been sufficient.

Whoa this baby business is changing more than just my silhouette! Tone down the seriousness would you?  Who knew all these things would come to play when we decided to have a family."When we decided" makes it sound like we sat down, weighed the pro's and con's and developed a plan. Instead it's more like, we got married and that somehow kicked my clock into gear (previously, I thought I had been born devoid of a clock) and we threw caution to the wind (and birth control pills out the window) to see what would happen. I'd like to tell you all that I was patient and completely zen throughout the following 14 months but, it's a lie. I temped, I charted, I checked my "fertile signs" (I'm leaving it at that...those of you who KNOW what EWCM is get it, and those who don't, probably don't need to). I slyly seduced the hubs when it suited the timing, and impatiently suffered the excruciating 2WW to see if I got a visit from good old AF. And FINALLY one time, she didn't show up...and finally, when I peed on that $16 STICK I saw 2 lines.......

And 32 weeks later (well 27 I guess) here we are. And I'm getting a little sweaty thinking about all the things I know I don't know. Well, if I knew that I guess I'd know them, so I am thinking about all the things I can imagine I don't know, and am going to have to learn. I really hope this whole mommy thing as intuitive as people keep saying, because I was sure not a good puppy mommy at the beginning (it's the only frame of reference ok?). And nothing else has ever come that natural to me either. I'm not a natural anything. I'm not good at singing or playing instruments, I'm not good at drawing or doing art. I'm not very crafty and aside from a little bit of a flare for cooking I'm pretty much useless. I'm not patient enough to be a good baker. I can't play sports. I can barely walk without falling over and my house is never all put together and sparkling clean. Nope, not this girl.

So you can imagine my fears about being a mom. Because really, why would THAT come naturally when nothing else does? One can hope. Maybe this is my calling. Maybe, I'll be so good at it that I'll go all Michelle Duggar on you (see, no pregnancy and/or mommy blog can be complete, without the Michelle Duggar reference, so I'm now officially in the club) and pop out a few dozen. No, that'll never happen, I'm too selfish for that many children. But maybe I'll surprise myself. Or maybe, I really will be the naked panicked woman, crying and swinging from the street lamps, wondering where my youth went.

On to my point, what's happened in pregnancy week 31, that's new and exciting:

1 - Night sweats. Last week I noticed the peri-menopausal state of my body temperatures, and this week has been no better. My temps have continued to increase and I'm now waking up soaked, on a nightly basis. I think it's training for all the laundry I'm going to have to do with baby, washing these pajama's so often.

2 - My friends Braxton and Hicks. They aren't new, but the frequency of their visits is. And to tell you the truth, I think they are both assholes.

3 - Pressure in my head. I think this is a combination of increased blood volume, and the internal human compressing some of my vital organs. I'll be checking with the midwife on that one tomorrow.

4 - Waking up screaming in pain. This has happened 3 times this week. Only once did I actually scream, and feared the hubs would wake up and fly out of bed in a panic. The other two times have been mild whimpering that I've kept to myself. The first time came after I rolled over, and pulled something in my abdomen. It felt like I tore a muscle clean in half, and I thought for sure I was never going to stand up again. The other 2 times have related to this burning pain in my left hip, that is the result of who knows what. I stretch and move and pull until it goes away. It hurts. And as an aside, my ass is still broken.

5 - Two Words. SAUSAGE. FINGERS. This is NOT funny. Thursday I was fine, but Friday I could not get my wedding rings off, and after 5 soapy panicked minutes, where visions of having my rings cut off flashed before my eyes, my sausage fingers were finally free. I've tried a few times over the last few days, and depending on when it is, I can get them off and on. But now I'm afraid of them. So I will probably go the next 6-10 weeks, with the naked fingers of an unwed mother. I've got a jade ring the hubs bought me once long ago, for $5 at a farmers market, and it fits. So for now, it'll have to do.

6 - It's a FOOT? Like seriously, I think I can discern a baby foot above my belly button. It feels about the right size, the right shape, and in the right area of my belly. I know she's head down, because I can feel her hiccuping into my vagina, and knocking on my cervix....

7 - Yes, she's knocking on my cervix. I think it's like the bladder, it's there so why not play with it? She keeps knocking, but I am not answering and she is not coming out. Consider this your first grounding young lady. You're going to stay in your room for another 6-10 more weeks, and I don't care how small it gets in there.

8 - Breathlessness. Some how, I've become a 450 lbs. smoker walking up a San Fransisco hill at all times. Talking takes a lot more energy than is appropriate. My maternity leave replacement must think I'm crazy, lazy or just completely out of control because every question she has results in me huffing and puffing like I've just run a marathon. And I talk A LOT. My face is red all the time, and whether I'm partaking in mild conversation or walking to my car, I'm elevating my heart rate. Let's hope I'm burning the other 500 calories I'm taking in, above the 300 recommended....

Anyway, those are the major pregnancy things for week 31. She continues to move and roll and stretch herself out. She's sticking feet in ribs and using my bladder as a stress ball. I love her a little more every minute that goes by, and I am starting to envision myself actually holding her in my arms, instead of in my body.

I wouldn't say I'm ready, but then, does anyone ever (remind me of this in 5 or so weeks, when I'm waddling around, crying about my cankles and wondering where my neck has gone)? But I'm in the home stretch, and things are getting a little more exciting around here! Not to mention the nursery has now been painted!

The Cloth Diaper Edition

The hubs and I are considering cloth diapering. I'd like to go on about all the statistics that relate to how that will positively impact the earth, but I don't know them. I know they exist, and I know they are important, but what's good enough for me is knowing that I will not be contributing (at least on a massive scale) to the diapers plaguing our landfills. I did learn the other day that on average, you'll use 7200 cloth diapers in your child's life time. And I don't need math to tell me that's an awful lot of fecal filled plastic sacks to add to an already epic waste management problem.

I also don't need to do the math to understand what that will cost us. A fuk lot. Math doesn't give you ballparks like that, but who needs them. For those of you who are into math and junk, I did a rough calculation and we're looking at about $2000. This is assuming your kid is an average crapper, that you don't have more than 1 child, and that you are shopping around for discount diapers. Converesly, you can get cloth ones for around $500, with all sorts of selling your old ones, buying used ones, borrowing from people or looking for sales.

Not to mention, when I think about buying the "cheapest disposable diaper" I envision myself, my hubs and my daughter covered in crap. Literally. I mean, I'm no expert, but I've had the lovely experience of lifting up a baby and finding urine, or worse turds, on my leg or arm. And as it turns out, I'm having a baby which means I will be covered in both those things (and more, because we all know no matter what kind of diaper you have, it does not protect against projectile breast milk in reverse) often as it stands. So to limit the leakage, I doubt I'd be bargain basement diaper shopping. No, I'd totally coupon clip my way to saving on the ones that are the best defense, but I suspect those ones start at a heftier price.

And then of course, there is the fact that this is my child and her BRAND NEW skin I'm swaddling up in plastic and whatever else they make a diaper out of (I don't know, but I'm somehow sure it didn't start out that fluffy white colour). One of the best things I read when researching cloth diapers was "I don't wear plastic panties, why should my kids?". And I think maybe, that's true. I mean sure, I've never TRIED plastic panties, at least, not in my adult years (oh come on, we ALL had those little training pants), but I assume they aren't as comfortable and breathable as Pampers would have you think. And frankly, I half expect to find out diapers aren't BPA free sometime soon, or that they are laced with some other sort of life sucking chemical. Not because I'm a pessimist, but because last time I checked, everything we do is being put on the "this is going to kill you dead" list.

For these reasons, and the simple fact that this WHOLE thing is so new and foreign to me, so I figure why the hell not try it out, we're looking into cloth diapering. No promises though. If I find out they are, in fact, the worst things ever in life, I will consider going back to disposables. And I am SO not against disposables on certain occasions. Like when you've got a baby sitter coming by or, you know, you haven't done laundry because it was laundry or sleeping and sleeping of course wins (yup, naps already win over my daughters butt. Mother of the year award coming my way!). My approach to this whole pregnancy/delivery/motherhood thing is attempted flexibility. Talk to me in 5 months and ask me how that's going, ok? I'll probably be the crazy naked lady hanging upside down from the street lamp, crying about my youth and when things were easy. But maybe not.

So anyway, we went to Cloth Diapers 101, put on by New & Green Baby Co.I thought the 101 was indicative of the level of diapering knowledge we were going to cover, you know, the basics. And it sort of was. But mostly I think the 101 refers to how many types of cloth diapers (and I'm talking types here, not brands. That would be Cloth Diapers 5698) we would be covering in the evening. And that is in no was a negative towards New & Green. I don't think they were trying to overwhelm us, in fact I know they weren't. They were just doing their diaper due diligence. And they did a fine job.

We did the whole gamut of diapers. We talked about All-in-Ones, Prefolds, Pockets, One Size, Fitted, and G Diapers. We saw how to stuff extra material in for increased leakage protection, and felt the difference between hemp, cotton, bamboo and synthetic materials. We touched diapers to our cheeks (not THOSE cheeks geeze) to see how soft they really were, and we snapped, unsnapped and velcroed up and down like nobody's business. We also sweat a lot, but that's really got nothing to do with diapers and everything to do with  stuffing a bunch of pregnant ladies in an over heated community centre meeting room.

We looked at bumGenius, Fuzzi Bunz and AMP, we looked at plastic covers and wool covers, and learned what a Snappi is. We sat, and after an hour and a half, had a pretty good grasp on what this whole diapering thing was about. I think. I mean, how will we really KNOW until she's here and I'm up to my elbows in diaper changes. We won't.

The fact is, after the class I was less intimidated by all the things out there and more excited to get started. Visa in hand I was ready to buy, but I refrained. We haven't settled on a type yet, or really even made a plan. But at least NOW I feel as though we've got something to go on. We're far too good at making decisions based on assumptions, and since we're becoming adults now (sure whatever) I figure it's high time we thought things through a little better (a little better then "hey let's buy a 100 year old house with lots of wood in a SUPER rainy climate" or "this fridge will fit in there, NOOOOO problem).

As an added bonus, my BFF has always used cloth diapers, and her daughter is almost 1. And that means, she's got a nice set of infant sized all-in-ones she is just DYING to lend us (that, her Ergo, her Peg Perago car seat and I am SURE other things are coming...we are SOOOOO lucky). So it means we can try it out on her pretty much right away (the baby, not my BFF) and see how we like it.

I think my family is laughing at me, with my hopes for natural child birth, my attempt at cloth diapering and my plan to make my own baby food. And not because they think any of that is stupid. Just because it doesn't seem like a me thing to do. Not that I make a habit of raping the earth, poisoning small creatures or being careless with my things. But because at the core of it all, I'm still a city girl with a couple tattoos, who enjoys the simplicity of having things done for me. If I could afford it, I'd have a house cleaner, and a gardener. There I said it, and I'm not ashamed. When given the option to go the easy way, I'll generally take that path. And natural child birth, cloth diapers and homemade baby food scream complicated. But for some reason, this seems like the way to go.

I know I'm in for a lot of hard work ahead. I'm thinking I'm in for an unfathomable amount of confusion and stress, exacerbated by a lack of sleep and the dependence of a whole new life. It's going to be bumpy and surely I'll falter and fall. I can't even begin to image what life will be like, because I have no experience, no frame of reference and no knowledge of my daughters personality. She could sleep like an angle but never want to eat, like my niece. She could be colicky and refuse to nap. She could be a HUGE combination of traits, and until I know what those are, I can hardly plan a course of action.

I can however prepare myself for the kind of family life I want to have. I can arm myself with knowledge and do what I think is best for us. The rest will just have to fall into place, however that shall be.

Apparently the proximity I'm getting to her arrival is increasing my loquacious nature......

My 30th Week of Pregnancy...sweat and tears....

Well with 31 weeks a mere hour and 40 mins away, I thought what a better time to start posting about the last week in pregnancy. Up until now, mostly, this preggoness has been uneventful. And that's GOOD, the last thing you want are events in your pregnancy. Those never end well (unless it's one of those orgasmic dream type events but that's not where I'm going with this).

The best case scenario has so far been my life .No morning sickness, no extreme fatigue, no high blood pressure and no proteins in my urine (I swear the midwives have me do that JUST to satisfy this never ending urge I still have to pee on sticks). I don't have gestational diabetes, I can still see my toes, and so far I've had no nasty exit  or non-exit, issues if you know what I mean (and if you don't, you've clearly never been pregnant and you probably don't need to know the details yet). But this week, things are changing. None of the above have happened, I have not regressed to morning sickness, and my toes are still all there, but I DO suddenly notice that I am 7something months pregnant (who the hell KNOWS how pregnant they are, with all the weeks and days and that 2 week "you're not pregnant but we count you as pregnant even though you haven't even had SEX yet" part of pregnancy that fuk's everything mathy up...not to mention that this whole thing is in fact 10 months long, and not 9...thanks to whatever male OBGYN genius who tried to pull the wool over our eyes on that one).

So anyway, let's see, what's new this week:

1 - My sore ass. We already know all about that, but it's still new. I hadn't really noticed anything ass related until now, but this last week, my tail bone is aching and my sciatic nerve is wound up tighter than the buns you see on ballet dancers (and I'm so not talking about THEIR asses). I learned today from my chiropractor that this is a result of my widening ass (oh yippee), which is due to my daughters growth (good girl). And this is causing the sexy preggo-waddle (finally, this is definitely been on the "can't wait" list pfft) which makes my legs turn out, which tightens the sciatic nerve. Phew. That's my medical lesson for the day, so you can skip your daily dose of WebMD. All this ends in her telling me that the solution is a combination of stretches (check, I can stretch), regular visits to her (already done thanks), massages of the area (any excuse to get the hubs to massage sounds good to me) ANNNNNNNND lunges and squats...FTW? Lunges and SQUATS? Hello I know my ass is getting bigger but is this really necessary? Apparently it is, because it will strengthen my legs, which will stop said above issues. This baby better be cute because I do NOT squat or lunge for just anyone.

This week, I also learned how fun it was to type the word "ass".

2 - Hot flashes. Another lovely symptom this week. Many of my previous pregnant lady friends have told me about this. All of them in fact. Most of them have experienced the increased body temperature throughout their entire pregnancy, and many of them were jealous that I got to experience most of my journey in the winter. 2 issues with that. 1, it's Vancouver and winter we do not have (go Summer Olympics..err wait). It's 11 degrees out right now, at 10:45pm (that's 52 for my friends south of the border). Now this is unseasonably high, but that's beside the point because it's affecting ME and I said so. And 2, it does not freaking matter because the stores and offices still think it's freezing outside so they jack their heat anyway.

I wake up wet, with crunchy hair and a pool between my breasts. I walk the 2 blocks to work, tearing off my jacket before I've even locked the car, and wishing I could sit naked at my desk and have it be appropriate. I feel menopausal...well I mean, I feel like my mother looks when she has a hot flash. Maybe I should try sticking my head in the freezer...too bad it's on the bottom of the fridge and getting down on all 4's is probably just going to make me HOTTER. Being hot is new for me in general, and this is not one of those signs I even understand? Bigger ass sure, but more sweaty? Why?

3 - Tears. I've cried a total of 7 times already this week, which is 1 time per day if you're counting. Granted I did skip a day, but I made up for it by crying twice the next. And sometimes, it's about absolutely nothing at ALL. I cried uncontrollably for a good 10 minutes when I came home to the dogs bodily fluid trifecta (vomit, pee AND poo...he's having some anxiety issues which is it's OWN post) for the 5th time this week. Frustrating as fuk for very sure, but cry worthy, I think not. The other times have been about things that, well, I suppose could be cry worthy, but really, there were an unnecessary amount of tears involved.

4 - Frustration. Remember back up at the top of this post, where I said I'd had it pretty easy so far? Well the goddess of pregnancy karma has listened to me go on and on and on about how much I enjoy being pregnant and has delivered me her own special gift. And that's the gift of everything I thought was supposed to happen before now, happening now. I don't know how many things I've thrown at the wall this week, but even 1 is too many. At least I only threw the dog one time (no I DIDN'T geeze....but it crossed my mind as I was on hands and knees, scrubbing pee out of my grout). This frustration is usually what leads to the crying as mentioned above.

5 - Alien belly. I've totally seen her move before, and I love every minute of it. But this week I'm totally channeling Sigorne Weaver, and I keep expecting my offspring to tear out of my gut and onto the table. She's a busy bee in there, pushing and stretching and making it her personal mission to see to it my belly button never feels, nor looks, the same again. That thin little layer of skin between her and the outside world must look like a light at the end of the tunnel for her. And I sing a lot in the car, badly, so she's probably trying to plot her way out of there stat. And currently, it seems she considers the belly button her best bet. This is one of the best things to happen this week. I enjoy her moving around SO much, even when it's technically bedtime (I sense foreshadowing). Her favourite time to party is 4am, and her favourite guests are my bladder and my rib cage. At least she's making friends.

6 - Is it a bum? Is it a head? Is it a cheek? Who knows. But this week has marked a very clear progression towards discerning body parts through my belly. It started happening a few weeks back, but it was few and far between and there was NO way to know if I was touching a foot or a face. But NOW, I can definitely feel some rounded bits, and while I'm not sure if this is her bum or her head (never tell her this), I do know it's something more significant than an elbow. This is fun. It's fun because I am connecting with my daughter AND because I'm freaking out my husband. Double bonus.

That's it for brand new occurrences over the last 7 days. A lot of things remain the same - my lack of balance, the dance party on my bladder and my incessant hunger for all things apple and pancakes (oooooh I should TOTALLY make apple pancakes).

Stay tuned for next week, when we're SURE to cover more exciting pregnancy progressions....I bet you can't wait!

How YouTube helped solidify my choice to go for a natural childbirth!

Well I've been watching the home birth videos on YouTube all morning, and I have to say, I'm less traumatized than I thought. I'm also shocked by the sheer volume of videos on there, and the selfless women who put themselves out there, so I have something to do in the early parts of a Saturday morning. It would never have occurred to me to look on YouTube for birthing videos, but who was I kidding? You can find anything on there, and I mean ANYTHING. Want to knit a suit for your cat? There's a video of someone doing that. Need to learn to play Baby Got Back on the acoustic guitar? There's a video for that too. Like the App store for your life and not your iPhone, if you need it the YouTube's got it. And sometimes it's disturbing, what people will do or post (I don't want to watch some girl demonstrate putting her clit ring in, I just don't...but I bet her mama's proud). I don't spend a lot of time on YouTube, but this is one instance where, it's helped me. So I'll put a check in the pro-YouTube column for this one.

Back to my point (why am I ALWAYS getting back to my point? Oh ya, because I write like I talk, too freaking much). I hesitated doing this for the last few weeks. I was afraid that watching other women go through labour and delivery would somehow scare me off the path towards natural child birth. I was afraid that I would see something graphic and frightening, that caused my cervix to fuse itself shut and demand I rethink this whole baby thing. I was worried that it would shake out the little bit of courage I've managed to muster thus far, and send me back to a puddle of self-doubt. I was worried that it would cause me to regress to the tender age of anytime before now, when I thought the best possible scenario was to be highly medicated, so you didn't even know what happened.

Because before I was ever the pregnant one, I didn't understand why you'd ever even START to consider a natural child birth. WHY would you do that to yourself when there are perfectly good drugs out there to be had? I'm a fan of getting a buzz (or let's just be honest, getting full on drunk) and I'm a fan of partaking in the BC bud that is in rampant supply around here, so why would I not hop on the drug train? I've sedated myself to get over one particularly bad break-up, I've sedated myself to handle the stress of a bad job, and I've sedated myself when things just got too hard to face. When the going get's tough, I tend to get all Ramones on life, and "I wanna be sedated". So why would labour be any different?

And let's get really honest here. I don't have ANY idea where this notion of natural birth came from in me. It's as unexpected to me as it is to those around me. ME, LABOUR? UNMEDICATED? You cannot be serious. Most people are still getting over the shock of me having a baby, let alone being able to handle the thought I want to do it all granola. But something has been telling me it's the right way to go. It's the approach I am meant to take. It's the way this baby wants to come into the world.

My hubs will tell you he doesn't believe in some sort of cosmic connection between a mother and her unborn baby, and I don't totally disagree. I mean, we both realize I'm bonding with this baby every moment she lives inside my body, and that her presence has had a profound effect on my life. But she's has an effect on his as well, and he's the one sitting on the outside. What he's getting at is the thought that her and I can actually communicate with each other in the way that us post-birth humans can. And he's right. My daughter did not send me a message, tell me she wants to go it au naturale and sway my thoughts. But something about being pregnant has lead me down that path, so I'm going to giver her some credit for it.

So how did YouTube help me start to believe this really is the path for me? Well, it showed me regular, everyday women, labouring and delivering with no medical intervention, and surviving through it. Not just cosmically connected hippy couples, channeling the power of the moon goddess while making plans to eat the placenta with a side of couscous. Just regular, everyday women, who wanted to try something against the norm in today's society.

There was the one woman who sang through all her contractions, and you could barely tell she was in pain (don't worry world, this is not a technique I will employ. We all know that me and singing are an ugly and lethal combination. Although, my daughter would probably opt for a quick entry into the world, if it meant stopping me). There was the other woman who, although in clear pain you could read on her face and in her body language, managed to smile between contractions. And not the fake "my crazy husband is taping me so I better put on a show" way, but in a way that indicated she was coping like a champ. There was the couple who joked and laughed the entire time, and went from 3-9 cm's without anyone noticing. And there were countless other women, who were just normal people, coping in various ways and making it through without any major catastrophes.

Of course there is pain, and you can see it. There is discomfort, and there are moments when they claim they cannot do it anymore. There a husbands with compassion and helplessness on their faces, and midwives and doula's standing strong, encouraging both partners equally throughout the process. But what there isn't is the sheer terror and fear you learn to expect from watching shows on TLC. There isn't a lot of screaming and profanities (not that it's silent in any way, it's just more productive noise). There aren't any doctors, with their hands up your vag, telling you you aren't progressing fast enough and making you feel like a failure. There were no beeping noises, fluorescent lights and gaudy hospital gowns to suck you so far out of your element you don't know who you are. There is none of that.

There are just strong, powerful women with the support of other strong powerful women, and empowered husbands with an understood purpose, bringing a life into the world. And they all did it, without any trouble.

Now a few things. I realize I hand selected the happy, non-complicated home births to watch, and there are a lot of things that can go awry and derail a plan. But I'm trying to empower myself, not scare myself, and that was a conscious choice. I also know that we will go to the hospital to deliver, even if we're labouring at home. At least at the Women's Hospital they have a hands off approach to women delivering with midwives, and only if we NEED assistance from a nurse or OBGYN, will we get it. So none of these sweet home births will be the same as ours. But the hospital videos are all medical ones, with epidural and pitocin drips, and that's not what we're going for either (this is a plea for more Canadian home labour/hospital delivery moms to post videos! Even if I'm too modest to do it). So I'm sticking with the home births. And they don't look that bad. They don't look easy, but I'm less frightened than I thought.

And that's how YouTube gave me just a little more confidence in my decision to go for a natural childbirth.

Bump Watch 2010...

Ok technically, the bump watch started in 2009, but Bump Watch 2009-2010 just didn't have the same ring to it. I've been taking belly shots for the last 25 weeks and I have to say, things have changed. I'll spare you 25 photos, but I'll give you a brief look at the bump...and at what was once a nice flat tummy and is now a super lovely round and bumpy! I heart it. It contains my daughter. I'm sure it'll never go back to the summer of 09, but that's cool. I'll have something much better in the summer of 2010 (ugh I just can't get my head wrapped around calling it 0-10):

First Shot - Week 5:

We can skip Weeks 6-10, since there wasn't much a happening. But here we are, Week 11:

Somewhere around week 19, there appeared a bigger bloat:

And then from 19-22, she went bananas!:

And at Week 26, someone else actually NOTICED it was a baby (and not just a food baby!):

And here we are, at 30 weeks my friends! 10 more weeks of growing to go, OH MY!

If you look close, you can see the jumbo belly button...the one you could land planes on!