Well with 31 weeks a mere hour and 40 mins away, I thought what a better time to start posting about the last week in pregnancy. Up until now, mostly, this preggoness has been uneventful. And that's GOOD, the last thing you want are events in your pregnancy. Those never end well (unless it's one of those orgasmic dream type events but that's not where I'm going with this).
The best case scenario has so far been my life .No morning sickness, no extreme fatigue, no high blood pressure and no proteins in my urine (I swear the midwives have me do that JUST to satisfy this never ending urge I still have to pee on sticks). I don't have gestational diabetes, I can still see my toes, and so far I've had no nasty exit or non-exit, issues if you know what I mean (and if you don't, you've clearly never been pregnant and you probably don't need to know the details yet). But this week, things are changing. None of the above have happened, I have not regressed to morning sickness, and my toes are still all there, but I DO suddenly notice that I am 7something months pregnant (who the hell KNOWS how pregnant they are, with all the weeks and days and that 2 week "you're not pregnant but we count you as pregnant even though you haven't even had SEX yet" part of pregnancy that fuk's everything mathy up...not to mention that this whole thing is in fact 10 months long, and not 9...thanks to whatever male OBGYN genius who tried to pull the wool over our eyes on that one).
So anyway, let's see, what's new this week:
1 - My sore ass. We already know all about that, but it's still new. I hadn't really noticed anything ass related until now, but this last week, my tail bone is aching and my sciatic nerve is wound up tighter than the buns you see on ballet dancers (and I'm so not talking about THEIR asses). I learned today from my chiropractor that this is a result of my widening ass (oh yippee), which is due to my daughters growth (good girl). And this is causing the sexy preggo-waddle (finally, this is definitely been on the "can't wait" list pfft) which makes my legs turn out, which tightens the sciatic nerve. Phew. That's my medical lesson for the day, so you can skip your daily dose of WebMD. All this ends in her telling me that the solution is a combination of stretches (check, I can stretch), regular visits to her (already done thanks), massages of the area (any excuse to get the hubs to massage sounds good to me) ANNNNNNNND lunges and squats...FTW? Lunges and SQUATS? Hello I know my ass is getting bigger but is this really necessary? Apparently it is, because it will strengthen my legs, which will stop said above issues. This baby better be cute because I do NOT squat or lunge for just anyone.
This week, I also learned how fun it was to type the word "ass".
2 - Hot flashes. Another lovely symptom this week. Many of my previous pregnant lady friends have told me about this. All of them in fact. Most of them have experienced the increased body temperature throughout their entire pregnancy, and many of them were jealous that I got to experience most of my journey in the winter. 2 issues with that. 1, it's Vancouver and winter we do not have (go Summer Olympics..err wait). It's 11 degrees out right now, at 10:45pm (that's 52 for my friends south of the border). Now this is unseasonably high, but that's beside the point because it's affecting ME and I said so. And 2, it does not freaking matter because the stores and offices still think it's freezing outside so they jack their heat anyway.
I wake up wet, with crunchy hair and a pool between my breasts. I walk the 2 blocks to work, tearing off my jacket before I've even locked the car, and wishing I could sit naked at my desk and have it be appropriate. I feel menopausal...well I mean, I feel like my mother looks when she has a hot flash. Maybe I should try sticking my head in the freezer...too bad it's on the bottom of the fridge and getting down on all 4's is probably just going to make me HOTTER. Being hot is new for me in general, and this is not one of those signs I even understand? Bigger ass sure, but more sweaty? Why?
3 - Tears. I've cried a total of 7 times already this week, which is 1 time per day if you're counting. Granted I did skip a day, but I made up for it by crying twice the next. And sometimes, it's about absolutely nothing at ALL. I cried uncontrollably for a good 10 minutes when I came home to the dogs bodily fluid trifecta (vomit, pee AND poo...he's having some anxiety issues which is it's OWN post) for the 5th time this week. Frustrating as fuk for very sure, but cry worthy, I think not. The other times have been about things that, well, I suppose could be cry worthy, but really, there were an unnecessary amount of tears involved.
4 - Frustration. Remember back up at the top of this post, where I said I'd had it pretty easy so far? Well the goddess of pregnancy karma has listened to me go on and on and on about how much I enjoy being pregnant and has delivered me her own special gift. And that's the gift of everything I thought was supposed to happen before now, happening now. I don't know how many things I've thrown at the wall this week, but even 1 is too many. At least I only threw the dog one time (no I DIDN'T geeze....but it crossed my mind as I was on hands and knees, scrubbing pee out of my grout). This frustration is usually what leads to the crying as mentioned above.
5 - Alien belly. I've totally seen her move before, and I love every minute of it. But this week I'm totally channeling Sigorne Weaver, and I keep expecting my offspring to tear out of my gut and onto the table. She's a busy bee in there, pushing and stretching and making it her personal mission to see to it my belly button never feels, nor looks, the same again. That thin little layer of skin between her and the outside world must look like a light at the end of the tunnel for her. And I sing a lot in the car, badly, so she's probably trying to plot her way out of there stat. And currently, it seems she considers the belly button her best bet. This is one of the best things to happen this week. I enjoy her moving around SO much, even when it's technically bedtime (I sense foreshadowing). Her favourite time to party is 4am, and her favourite guests are my bladder and my rib cage. At least she's making friends.
6 - Is it a bum? Is it a head? Is it a cheek? Who knows. But this week has marked a very clear progression towards discerning body parts through my belly. It started happening a few weeks back, but it was few and far between and there was NO way to know if I was touching a foot or a face. But NOW, I can definitely feel some rounded bits, and while I'm not sure if this is her bum or her head (never tell her this), I do know it's something more significant than an elbow. This is fun. It's fun because I am connecting with my daughter AND because I'm freaking out my husband. Double bonus.
That's it for brand new occurrences over the last 7 days. A lot of things remain the same - my lack of balance, the dance party on my bladder and my incessant hunger for all things apple and pancakes (oooooh I should TOTALLY make apple pancakes).
Stay tuned for next week, when we're SURE to cover more exciting pregnancy progressions....I bet you can't wait!
It's like this, and like that....
I started this blog in an effort to track my experiences with pregnancy and beyond. Writing is therapeutic. Kind of like talking to myself without the people in WalMart thinking I'm crazy. If you find some entertainment in this along the way, then even better!
This is one woman's journey through unfathomable hunger, vivid sex dreams and a bulging belly...from conception to birth in 9 months or less...