I feel the urge to ring in the New Year with one of those posts that talks about the year before, and what we're going to do differently in the upcoming days. Apparently I don't dance to the beat of my own drum quite as much as I thought, because I'm totally following. But that's ok, because the reason I want to do a post like this is because I've enjoyed reading everyone else's over the last few days.
I guess I will start with my reflections on 2009, before I get into the changes I plan to make for 2010.
In 2009, the Hubs and I celebrated our first year of marriage. We moved from a small 700 sq. ft apartment on the beach in downtown Vancouver, to a large, 3000 sq. ft house in East Van...aka "the ghetto". It's not technically the ghetto, it's actually a very cool area of town, and one of the only area's where normal people can buy houses. And even that's a stretch, we've got tenants so we can afford it here. But it isn't the fancy side of town, and if there was a residential ghetto, it would be in East Van. The house is 100 years old, and very cool. Lots to do around here still, but it's becoming us and I do so love all the charm about it. There are no closets, which is a serious issue when one has the shopping obsession I do, but whatevers.
I watched my little sister get married to her high school sweetheart (ok I planned the entire wedding), and one of my best friends get married as well.
I pee on a stick at 4am one morning in July (it was July 16th to be exact) and expected to, once again, find 1 pathetic line staring me in the face and to return to bed with a thick tear bubble in my throat and an ache in my chest I couldn't explain. I psyched myself up with all the "it will happen when the time is right" thoughts and the "maybe our timing wasn't as good after all" and of course the "14 months is really THAT long" and "we're not really ready anyway". I expected to not have any pee stories to tell the Hubs, and let him go on blissfully unaware of how long this was taking and how sad I was every month. But OMG OMG OMG, as I peed on that stick (you know the one I've still got, in the bathroom cupboard, with it's 4 sisters...which, when you think about it, is pretty gross. But I know I'm not alone here.) and that line came up, I just about fell off the toilet (after having SO many "false hopes" I waited an obscene amount of time after I should have got my period to POAS. So when I peed on it, the line came up before I was done). I had this BIG plan all the previous months, to tell the Hubs in some completely story worthy way. It was going to be one for the books. I was going to come up with such a fun idea, and make the moment extra special. Instead, I ran upstairs, climbed into bed, shook the Hubs until he was awake (ok pseudo-awake) and blurted out, at 4something am on a Thursday "I"m pregnant". To which he lovingly replied "what?!? how did THAT happen". Oh the joy and romance of that moment. But hey, that's SO us! I'm the one who replied "Are you fuking serious" when he proposed so, classy we are not.
We took a trip to San Fransisco, and thoroughly enjoyed touring the city. Even at 14 weeks pregnant, and totally exhausted, I trooped around on foot for 5 days and even sat while my husband had a few beers at the Rogue Pub - his favourite brewery.
I started a baby blog in October, mostly for my own personal reasons. I like to write (which is handy since, it's also my job), and to me it's like therapy. At first I didn't do it to get followers or even care if anyone read me, but that's started to change. I've grown increasingly interested in becoming part of this community, and there are some of you out there who are part of every day of my life.. I've done a lot of work to become part of the blogger community, and have met a lot of other mommy bloggers I love and adore. They may not know how much I love them, but I do. One of the best parts of my day is looking at the list of blogs I follow, or seeing a new post pop up that I can go read. If it were socially acceptable to tell some of these women that I love them, even though I've never met them, I would. I'd be sending them roses and chocolates, and trying to woo them into loving me back. Actually, that's a lie. I think roses and chocolates are lame attempts at romance, and if someone wanted to effectively woo me, they'd do it with stylish foot wear and feathery hair accessories, so I'd probably start there.
We had a house warming party, a Halloween party, a Christmas party, Christmas dinner for 22 people and a New Years Eve party all in the new house.
And now, we're planning for the baby (who is so never going to have a name), who will actually join us in the first quarter of this year.
In this year, I will become a mom, a mother, a mommy. And not just in the technical sense, because technically, in the technical sense, I think I am one now. But a real, full on mom. I hope I can be half the mother my mom is, but I think that's another post.
In this year, the Hubs and I will celebrate 2 years of marriage, and while it hasn't always been easy, it has always been right.
In this year, I will turn 30! I always said I wanted to be a mom before 30, and even if this baby girl is a full 2 weeks late, she'll get her 8 days before my 30th birthday, so I call that a success. Nothing like cutting it down to the wire, but hey, I'm an avid procrastinator and I'm REALLY good at it. I will try not to let the big 3-0 get me down, because it's just a number. I will ignore the fact I can find pimples AND grey hairs in the same day, and just be happy I am healthy. And that I am still younger than 95% of my friends (not that I did that on purpose or anything...no really).
In this year, I will grow up and learn to appreciate the world around me. I will say no more often, do the things I want, and stop being so guilty over the things I cannot control. I will realize that being 20 mins. late for family dinner has no overall detrimental effect on anyone (except my cell phone bill from my dad's incessant calling), and that it's more important to arrive safely and happily, then hastily and on time.
I will rest more (and yes, I appreciate the irony in trying to rest more in the year I will become a mom however, I intend to take the next 12 weeks to calm down). I will take better care of myself, and stop putting everyone else's needs and wants ahead of my own. I will enjoy life more, and stress about it less. I will try to remember not to sweat the small things, because fundamentally I have a great life and I need to appreciate every moment of it.
I will plan less, and go with the flow more. And I will do this both because I need to stop spreading myself so thin, and because I want more time to enjoy the things I am choosing to do, instead of constantly stressing about what's next on my list.
I will learn the patience I need to bake. I can cook like no-ones business, but my baking always fails, and I'm convinced this is a patience issue. If I can bake, I can do anything.
I will put more time into the people who reciprocate their love for me, and waste less time feeling sad, angry or left out of those who don't have time to be part of my life. I will stop trying to make these people happy, because it's not getting me anywhere, and I've got more important things to do.
I will stop feeling guilty over things that I cannot control. Guilt should be reserved for things I've done wrong, and not for the false or unrealistic expectations I've put on myself and failed to attain.
I will give myself more credit, and spend less time criticizing my dust bunnies and more time watching the dog chase them around. And I will laugh at the hairy bathroom sink, instead of being disgusted and getting frustrated at the Hubs.
I will remember what it was like to love unconditionally in the beginning, and appreciate the Hubs and what he does for me more. I will try not to be so frustrated and impatient with him, because we are not the same person and his views on the world and his priorities are not always the same as mine. And this doesn't make him wrong, it makes him awesome.
I will do all these things, because I want to teach my daughter how to enjoy life, to be happy and caring, and to love herself. I want her to grow up in world full of love and joy. And I don't want to miss any of those little moments with her, because I'm so busy trying to get my hair to look right so I can get to the 8th thing on my To Do list on time. I will do this because life isn't about me anymore, it's about us, and it's the perfect time to make a change. I will do this because I truly believe the most important thing in life, is happiness, and that you have the power to make yourself happy in any situation.
That is what I expect for 2010. I hope you're all here to enjoy it with me. And to remind me when I start to fall off the wagon.
It's like this, and like that....
I started this blog in an effort to track my experiences with pregnancy and beyond. Writing is therapeutic. Kind of like talking to myself without the people in WalMart thinking I'm crazy. If you find some entertainment in this along the way, then even better!
This is one woman's journey through unfathomable hunger, vivid sex dreams and a bulging belly...from conception to birth in 9 months or less...