No, not literally, it just feels that way. And no, this is not yet ANOTHER one of those posts where I delight you with a long story about falling down or otherwise hurting myself. It's not even one where I talk about the lack of exiting occurring from that region as a result of being pregnant, no, no it's not. It's a post where I talk about my first annoying pregnancy symptom. And that symptom is my broken ass.
I sit for a living. Well, that's not exactly true. No one is paying me for all the sitting, despite being insanely good at it, but what they are paying me for requires me to be in front of my computer all day. And that requires sitting. Over the last few weeks, I've noticed a mild amount of butt discomfort at various times. I assumed it was pregnancy related, but it was hardly bothersome so whateves. Well today, that's changed.
My tail bone is officially throbbing. And I mean, I've fallen on my ass WAY more times than I wish to remind it, so it's not a total shock nor is it a new feeling. I know what it means to damage your tail bone. What's different this time is the lack of falling. Sure when I slipped down the steps, landed square on my ass and ruined my jeans it sucked, but at least I knew why my ass hurt. Or when I thought roller blading would be a fun pass time (it's not) and almost killed myself and 2 ladies with strollers on the sea wall, and used my ass to stop myself, I knew then too. Or maybe the time I went snowboarding when it wasn't snowy (and I am a TERRIBLE snowboarder) and again, used my ass to stop...are you sensing a pattern here? I am a klutz, without an ounce of athleticism nor balance in my body. So a stranger to the pavement my butt is not. But today, even before lunch time, with my throbbing tail bone I couldn't help but wonder, have I started to sleep fall down? Cause I assume that is coming sometime in my life, but I thought it would at least wait until my dementia years.
But no, the hubs assured me I didn't get out of bed last night and use my ass to walk down the stairs, so it has to be pregnancy related. I assume with an extra 15 lbs. weighing heavily on it, and a life predominantly spent sitting on it, she was bound to break. That, or my ass is protesting the thought of pooping during labour, which is something both me and my ass have just started trying to come to grips with (and don't even get me started on the peeing).
So I sit her with my throbbing butt bone (notice I'm still sitting on it, cause not sitting on it, well, that would be like letting it win or something) and blame the pregnancy books and baby centre. In all the things they've told me, all the scare tactics and ass references, not one has related to a throbbing tail bone.
They've told me my ass would get bigger (it hasn't) or that I would get constipated (I haven't). They told me to expect hemorrhoids (I've got none) and to be aware of pregnancy farts (don't got those either). They told me all those things, but never once did they tell me about my tail bone pain. And so I blame them. I blame them for coming up with, at last count, 67,983 things to expect when I'm expecting and never once discussing the feeling of a broken ass.
I can't complain much, and world you can consider this my superstitious knock on wood that none of those things I've thus far avoided come flooding over me in these last 10 weeks. But regardless, my butt throbs and, short of creating some sort of hunch back, leaning over my desk to stand up and type all day, I've yet to come up with a solution. I could try the yoga ball in my office, but I see 2 problems with this. 1, these balls are used in labour and, I don't want to give my body any crazy ideas like this child is ready to come into the world (she's not ready and I am SO not ready). And 2, that I am a klutzy, unbalanced moron (see above) and the result will SURELY be that of me sliding forward and knocking my teeth out on the desk. And I anticipate labour being ugly as it is, with my sweaty frizz hair and a face which I'm sure will be even uglier than my cry face. I certainly don't need to add toothlessness to that situation.
So, I will either go out and buy a hemorrhoid pillow, and carry it around like on old lady (or someone whose just given birth because I've seen this happen before. But again with the not wanting to mislead my body), or I'll just suffer and whine about it.
I think I'll opt for option 2, seeing as I've been ridiculously lucky throughout this pregnancy and have had almost NO sympathy inducing moments to speak of. Sad as it may seem, I may milk this broken ass feeling to get some preggo sympathy. That and hope it simply goes away.
And for the record, this topic falls into WTH Wednesday.....
It's like this, and like that....
I started this blog in an effort to track my experiences with pregnancy and beyond. Writing is therapeutic. Kind of like talking to myself without the people in WalMart thinking I'm crazy. If you find some entertainment in this along the way, then even better!
This is one woman's journey through unfathomable hunger, vivid sex dreams and a bulging belly...from conception to birth in 9 months or less...